Beautiful beginnings

As I was starting this blog, I had to make a huge decision. A decision that would last a lifetime. The decision on which day to post my weekly piece. You think it’s not a big decision,eh? That I’m being dramatic?

Let me show you how big it is. (no pun intended.)

Monday

Is there anybody who likes Mondays? I personally loathe them. It’s the reminder that the weekend is over. And all good things come to an end. If you listen carefully, alarms are loudest on Mondays. No? Listen next Monday. It evens sounds dull and gloomy. Say ‘Monday’ aloud. Go ahead do it. I swear if you don’t I’ll stop writing and quit this blog for good. Hehe. That’s the reason why everybody is so negative on Monday. Like everyone’s mad at everyone that the weekend is over. There’s no way negative people are reading my blog. It’s bad luck for me.

So yeah, Monday is out.

Tuesday

This is my favorite day of the week. Here, reality has already sunk in that you must work for a living. So you’re happy. The sun is also present today. (On Monday it was cold and dark, like a horror film, Hannibal maybe?)You could even text a mama you’ve been eyeing, “What’re you doing Tuesday night?” and she’ll obviously say,

“Nothing much, I’ll just be home.”

“Si then we could go for supper?”

Shit. Did you just say supper? Who in the world says supper? So before even that text vibrates her phone and tickles her ass, you correct yourself and hope this is not how you play yourself out.

“Dinner. I meant dinner.”

“Haha. Yeah. We could go for ‘supper’.”

And you blush like a fool ‘cause she has a sense of humor. You know why this went so well? Because it’s Tuesday.

Tuesday is a contender.

Wednesday

I’ll just say this early. Wednesday is out. Why? You remember that date you had on Tuesday? We all know what should’ve happened after the date. Problem is nothing happened. You tried to make your silly move to get into her apartment (and later get into her) when dropping her off but she blew you off. Some shit about how she had a meeting the following morning and needs to be up early. But at least you got a kiss. A seductive one that made your pants tighter. So Wednesday is just a reminder of blue balls…and no guy likes those.

Thursday

You get over your blue balls and look forward to the weekend. Thursday is like when you’re invited to a party and you decide to go. As you get closer, you start hearing the music and think, ”This party must be off the hook”. The music actually directs you to the house.

Thursday is that cool guy in class everybody likes. He’s not a genius neither is he a dummy. He doesn’t speak much, only when he has to. And when he does you will not get bored. I may have a crush on him. Hehe.

Thursday is a good day. It definitely stands a chance.

Friday

There’s no way in hell I’ll be posting on Friday. Everyone’s hyped that the week is over and they can finally destroy their livers. Friday’s the day Safaricom are reaping more profits than EABL. Okay. Not more than…but almost as much. I get the same exact text from over ten people. “Form leo?” Try and guess my response. Yes, you’re right, I don’t respond. Not that I’m rude. I used to respond actually but it always ended the same way. “Leo sina.” It’s like I keep them in a drawer somewhere beside my socks’ drawer. They’d call me later in the day and ask, “Sasa umeamuaje? Twende Skyluxx?” They always had something in mind. Everybody is planning something on Friday. So there’s no way I let you read this after the club’s cleared and all the hype is over and you’re still buzzed from the shots of Henny you took. It’s a sacred piece for crying out loud.

Talking of sacred, it’s also the Muslim day of worship.

Saturday

Since you think you’re young and believe in the slogan ‘YOLO’, you duplicate your Friday on to Saturday. Loud music. Thick Women. Skinny ones too. Cheap brandy. Gyrating. You later drive home alone…or not (depending on how much you bonded with the thick women). You actually have no time for me today. But I understand, I also have none for you. I’m doing laundry today and probably watch House Of Cards.

Sunday

You wake half past noon with the worst hangie of your life. Beside you is your ‘thick acquaintance’. You’re both butt naked. No worries though, it’s Sunday so no one’s judging. You spend the whole day nursing your hangie. You realize you’re not young anymore. You get into deep depression because of this (and also because your “chipo’s” ID shows that she’s ten years younger; she probably has a CAT the next morning). At the same time you realize you haven’t been to church for an year or so. You make a standing declaration, “Next Sunday I’ll go to church…in my blue suit.”

Of course you will.

 

So I’m left with Tuesday and Thursday. I got nothing to split the two sides. I’ll let fate decide. Heads is Tuesday, tails is Thursday.

*flips a coin*

Tails it is. I like tail (pun intended). Let’s meet on Thursday.

And by the way, you still think this wasn’t a big decision?